Woke up yesterday

Without my meds I got a glimpse of my life without the fog.

I am suddenly not complacent. I am a bit angry about where I am right now. What the fuck am I doing? Am I now good at being uncomfortable, so I can't help staying exactly the same? Fuck that. I need to keep moving. I am craving an adventure.

I want open road, open bottles of wine, open views, open spaces, open doors. I want to run without a safety net for a bit. I have become complacent in my life.

I need to move, i need to groove in my own way.

I want to stumble tipsy thru Hollywood in search of my car or cigarettes. I want to stand under dressed outside in the cold on a damp night. I want to walk in a pack of friends and wonder where I will end up in the morning.

I have done all these things before.. I thought this was out of my system. Clearly, it is not. And that is a problem. I am craving what was bad for me, but hoping to have a new mastery of it.

I need an escape. I am so sorry.